does anyone remember having a tamagachi? oh, the appeal for a little kid to have a virtual creature to care for. how many times did my tamagachi die of me forgetting to clear its habitat of hershey kiss shaped poop?
now having a real life tamagachi, or human baby, how nerve-racking is it that there is no “starting over” button? what’s to say that the decisions we make don’t derail their lives down the road? it’s a lot to sit on your shoulders. it’s a lot of responsibility as a parent. it’s crushing. if i decide to spank as a punishment, will i give rise to a serial killer? if i am too soft-spoken, will i give rise to a miley cyrus? it’s all so difficult to say…
my kiddo has hit 19 months. people always talk about the terrible twos. HA! you know what my experience with motherhood has been so far? there is no terrible twos. there’s a terrible three months, a terrible one year, and a terrible one and a half years. the term “terrible twos” has led me into a false sense of security, leading me to believe that my nerves would be safe until bud turned two. no. my nerves are tested daily, weekly, monthly, yearly.
how can such a small, adorable package come with such mischief? such taxing mischief? it’s all a great joke. babies HAD to be adorable. otherwise, it would be a lot more difficult to forgive them for making us burst into tears at any given moment.
so yesterday, i felt as though i spent the entire day telling bud to stop doing something. and, appropriate to his age, he was testing his limits. i was trying to cook dinner, and turned around to check on him, only to find that he was touching mommy’s very expensive laptop. what then happened was, i sobbed, “mommy told you not to touch that! mommy said that was a ‘no touch’!” and sank to the floor bawling. and bud, shocked at his mother’s reaction, started immediately sobbing as well.
he doesn’t want to stress me out. duh, he’s learning what all this disciplining is even about. but it’s so easy to forget. i am not patient by nature. i am trying to be the mother i want to be. who is an understanding and patient woman. i guess i needed to realize that there were two people putting pressure on me that day; my toddler and myself. and sometimes, it feels a bit much. but that’s what new days are for. it doesn’t mean that you’re who you are the exact moment of a meltdown. it just means you’re human. and being human means you get several attempts at becoming the person you want to be. so i guess, yeah, in a way…there is a tamagachi redo button. phew!