long time no see. just going to shoot this out there and get back to writing my book (woot woot!).
super random, i’ve been thinking lately about motherhood. naturally, since being a mother. but i just had a conversation with a few of my friends who haven’t walked that path (yet? who knows.) and it came up about labor and the afterwards.
here was my experience with when buddy was first born. there wasn’t an outpour of emotion. there wasn’t a rush of love for this little being. no. if you are a mother who felt that way, that’s great. but for me, it was like someone handed me an alien. and told me that i was to babysit someone else’s child for the next 18 years. my brain couldn’t comprehend that the gooey, wailing creature i was holding was the same guy who was doing aerobics in my belly. he didn’t feel mine.
i fell in love with my little man. it was gradual at first, but the love then exponentially increased like a rocket. it was almost as if i had to get to know him first and acquaint myself with him before i thought to myself, “wow, you do belong to me.” i know, you’re used to what women tell you it’s like; not how it is for some/the majority/the few. the bottom line is this: motherhood, even the beginning of it, is completely unique to the individual. so don’t EVER think for a second that there is something wrong with you because you didn’t feel what “everyone else” feels. don’t think you’re wired wrong because you didn’t feel immediate affection for your infant when he/she’s first born.
when i told my friends about my experience, they immediately responded with reassuring me that they actually heard that a lot of women feel that way. to which i would like to reply with, it’s so sweet that they felt obliged to reassure. i couldn’t care less if what i experienced was “normal” or not. because the relationship i have with my guy is kick ass. but still, it’s really irritating that what we see in media is making women feel like they are subpar because they don’t feel this sparkly thing. i was just fortunate enough to not give a damn.
so to women everywhere: your experience with childbirth and bonding is special. don’t let anyone take that away from you. if some mom in your community tells you with a tear in her eye that hers was hollywood-esque, proudly say that you thought someone had switched your baby. because that’s real. and that’s yours.
see ya later, guys. back to work!