unbreak my heart

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so today is the DAY. THE day. the day i finally had the heart to admit to myself, it’s time to get rid of some of those baby clothes. i mean, yes, i hung on to quite a bit, a single bins worth to be honest, but still…i feel like i might as well took a cleaver to my own arm. sniff sniff. the reason why it was tough, i determined, was because i looked at that little face and said, that’s my baby. that’s my LITTLE baby. until i sifted through the newborn clothes and said, holy cow. that is NOT my LITTLE baby. my teeny tiny baby has been replaced with a chubby baby that is about half my height. i was awestruck when i found myself hauling a sleepy buddy off to bed with his feet dangling somewhere around my knees (when the heck did this happen?!). i felt like i was carrying an anvil to bed. he finally felt like a small boy in my arms. not a baby. ughhhhh, i want to cry. but i’m too tired.

anyways, ultimately, i asked myself…what is worth hanging onto? we are on a single income sitch now. we no longer have the luxury to simply impulse purchase whatever we’re jonesing for this month. and we could use the money if we got rid of a few things. i used to think being grown-up was being able to get whatever we wanted? no, younger joan, it is not. being an adult means if you want to buy everything you want, you have the choice to use the forbidden credit card, only to hate yourself later with the immense buyer’s remorse you self inflicted. well, meh. that’s all i have to say. meh. this is real life, isn’t it? ha. responsibility is such a meanie.

what i thought was really humorous, in retrospect anyways, was that i have this tiffany’s necklace that i had bought myself when my husband and i were mil-to-mil while we were in the air force. we spoiled ourselves often, and this goes without saying, but this was p.b.e. (pre-baby era). i sat there thinking to myself how i never wear this necklace, but i kept finding myself justifying keeping it. what if there’s a special occasion and i want to wear it? what if this is the only time i get to have a real, authentic tiffany’s choker? (note: i didn’t pay full retail for it, i never could bring myself to buy anything from tiffany’s; i found it in a antique shop for about 1/4 of the price).

it suddenly hit me: am i really wanting to hold onto a stupid necklace over having an experience? sure, i can get more necklaces, but having the money to go out and enjoy our lives together is irreplaceable. dur. it’s a no brainer, really. so i immediately snapped some pictures of my $425 tiffany necklace (which i did NOT that much for) and put it on ebay. i feel like i finally got the monkey off my back (what the f- does that MEAN?!). what’s the point in hanging onto a necklace that just sits in my drawer, not being enjoyed?

josh and i recently have been feeling like we’re in a parental rut. josh comes home every day from work, exhausted, then helps me watch the baby. i watch the baby all day, wait for josh to come home, and i am also not feeling up for doing anything. so we stay at home with the baby, waiting for buddy’s bedtime. then it’s the same routine every day. every night. so we joined howaboutwe.com. it’s a site kind of like group on, and you get to go on these discounted dates in the city! like dinner for two on the water, or sushi for two, cocktail hour, or champagne and a ferris wheel. membership fees are $18 and you get a free date every month. we thought this was the perfect solution for the new parent blues. we already have two dates scheduled: a truffle-tasting in seattle and a trip to a brewery to brew our own beer! needless to say, this is exactly what we needed. so with that, you can see why i would feel like a really valuable tiffany’s necklace seems oh-not-so valuable when it comes to the price of quality time together.

and on that note, did you know (i read this in an article somewhere on the internet so you KNOW it’s true) that the average american has, on average (i thought i would say on average again for good measure), about $5,000 worth of stuff they can sell in their home?! i have no idea how they would estimate this, but you know, i believe it. we hold on to so much junk, and we’re convinced that we actually need it. let’s face it: we’re all hoarders of some sort. so today, i dedicated my day to purging.

so i posted a lot of baby clothes on craigslist, my necklace is now on ebay, and i have a fresh new perspective on “things” and what it means to own them. i feel as though today, i am slightly less materialistic than i usually am. and yes, i’m pretty proud of myself. whoopee!!

she shoots but she hasn’t yet to score…

welcome to suburbia...

welcome to suburbia…

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lately, i feel as though my life is on stand-by. i’ve been watching my friends and my husbands excel and accomplish everything they’ve set out to do career-wise while i’ve remained stagnant.

which i guess is the story of my life. and one of the major thematic elements of my book. erin has recently been offered a permanent position at her dream job, which puts her lifelong searching to a rest. she was kind of the perma-intern until recently.

emily has left microsoft to pursue her own startup company. an idea that she had hatched off a whim from seattle’s startup weekend. it just took off. that’s it. finito. no further explanation. but she actually has the brains, skill, experience, and motivation to make this happen. no doubt about it.

josh left the air force, applied to boeing and got his dream job, leaving him in his current position, making enough monies to support (us) his family so i can stay at home and watch a squirmy, mischievous baby.

leaving me just sitting at home day after day, pondering, brain storming, toying with ideas on what to do outside of motherhood. obviously something that will contribute to an income, but also something rewarding. something that i can really consider an accomplishment. something that i can be proud of. and also something that will allow me to continue staying at home to watch buddy. i want to look back at my life and say i made something of myself. yes, i want it all. is it possible? maybe. i guess i’ll find out. because i’m not going down (well, not really down but defeated?) without at least fighting to make the most of this life. we only get one shot.

so before i claimed i would apply for this teaching position at my alumni university online when buddy was completely done weaning from nursing. well, not i’m wondering if i should wait until i’m done with my book. if i’m being honest with myself. lord knows once i get a job and watch buddy all day, i can say goodbye to finding time to write. but i am anxious to apply for this job, since i’m wondering if this is what will finally be the career that will bring me the satisfaction i’ve been seeking for since college.

 

and now i hear a baby stirring from his midmorning nap. i bid you adieu.

 

good friends and shrimp heads

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first trip to the aquarium!

first trip to the aquarium!

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pacific science center butterfly house

pacific science center butterfly house

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our table at lunch

our table at lunch

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harry potter costume at the emp!

harry potter costume at the emp!

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lego space needle

lego space needle

guitar tornato at emp

guitar tornato at emp

chicken chardonay compliments of chef anthony

chicken chardonay compliments of chef anthony

cheesecakes at the confectional

cheesecakes at the confectional

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new friends

new friends

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this past weekend was so jam-packed, it had me napping on monday afternoon to recover. i think my college self would be laughing at me right about now. was my weekend filled with keg stands and bar hopping? nope. it was a laid back weekend filled with changing diapers and sight-seeing in the heart of seattle. weekends like these are naturally accompanied with those emergency, “oh no, his diaper just leaked all over his clothes,” and the desperate search for a nearby bathroom and “jeez, won’t you just nap already?!” in between exhibits at the aquarium as you urgently jiggle the stroller as if you have a dire need to pee.

what’s really amazing about having a kid is the moment you realize you get to live out all your childhood. all over again. visits to all the city’s finest exhibits that you once trekked over to for field trips filled with snack packs and peanut butter and jellies. i actually found the very spot i had lunch during one of my field trips to the aquarium and wondered if there would be a day buddy will enjoy (or  wrinkle his nose in distaste) at the lunch i packed for him that day. josh is excited to play with legos again, while i’m excited just to see that little mouth open in surprise when he sees a giraffe (or any other goofy-looking animal) for the first time.

this weekend we got to be ten again. our really good friends, anthony and alyssa, visited us for their two-year anniversary and stayed with us in our new home. they brought their baby over, and i gotta tell ya, it was something special seeing how excited buddy was to see another baby. whenever their little one cried, jake rushed on over on all fours, and plopped his butt down right next to him only to put his hand on his knee. as if he was saying, “i gotcha, pal. i’m right here for ya!” just utterly precious. which makes me even more anxious as i wait to hear from a mommy group i found on meetup.com for a playgroup for babies around buddy’s age. seeing him around another baby made me realize how important it was for him not to just sit at home with me all day playing alone. i don’t want him to have only-child syndrome, and considering that we are only planning on him being our only baby, i’m totally psyched to get him out there with other sticky, germy babies so he can thrive in a  social environment.

so as we entered the city with new eyes, we experienced the emp (experience music project), the famous pike place market, the seattle aquarium, the curiosity shop, and the pacific science center. josh and anthony tested their brawn and ate dried barbecue maggots from the science center shop, while alyssa and i were happy with our chocolate-covered strawberries from a little cart outside. because, you know…i’ll take strawberries over bugs any day, but that’s just me. actually, the entire weekend comprised of little challenges, like the boys downing their hot sake at a sushi restaurant, and eating fried shrimp heads. and those shrimp heads were nasty looking! it wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for the fact that their huge, black, beady eyes were staring back at you, soulless and dead. but boys will be boys. whatever makes them happy. which i guess is indigestion and gastric distress. it became a little joke to announce, “it smells like anthony in here,” whenever entering a smelly premise.

after petting sea anenomes, watching octopus feedings, river otters scrub themselves like they were taking a bubble bath, we made sure to experience the food of seattle. we ate plenty of fresh, raw oysters, and dined at the renown sushi restaurant, shiro’s. if you’ve ever seen the documentary, “jiro dreams of sushi”, his apprentice actually works at this sushi restaurant since moving from tokyo. shiro, the chef himself, has a sterling reputation of his own, also being a former apprentice of some other prestigious figure. the door was plastered with zagat award stickers and newspaper clippings. the sushi was phenomenal, and we expected nothing less. just on par. every bite was to be savored slowly, and every chew required a deep inhale to take in all the flavor. perfection on a plate.

among sushi and fresh oysters, we also snacked on cheesecake from pike street’s the confectional, which whoopee goldberg claims is to die for. which i guess is saying something…? piroshkys a few stores down also offered the most mouth-watering beef and cheddar piroshkys that created the perfect walking food. and after inhaling a ‘shky, you bet your money i was ready to eat again at the rub of love shack right down the way from pike place market. but you know, my favorite food experience while anthony and alyssa were here was probably having anthony cooking dinner for us. since attending cooking school, anthony perfected the chicken chardonnay which we ate enthusiastically. maybe it’s parenthood, but a day out ending with an evening in equaled sheer bliss as we drank wine and beer and played…(wait for it…) a crazy….wild……board game. that’s real life for ya. real, adult, grownup LIFE.

as i probably should have mentioned earlier, anthony is one of the few, genuine friends josh and i have made while in the air force. it’s really been interesting seeing how all of us have coped differently to transitioning to civilian life and seeing what different choice we’ve made. josh, anthony and i were initially all friends. josh and i were platonic pals, and anthony was our mutual friend. over a few years, and after separating from the military, we’ve somehow managed to keep in touch and stay close while we left our military pasts behind us, including the friends that we were once so close with in the service. but how did we maintain a friendship with anthony? this is the stuff of real, lasting friendship, i guess! anthony is josh’s best friend, and was his best man at our wedding. and as you’ve probably deduced, anthony also got married to his long-time girlfriend, alyssa, and had a baby as well. there were two real moments for us all during the weekend. we were talking about how tired we were after a long day out with the babies, and anthony laughed and said, “we’re so old!” that was one. the other happened when we were reminiscing about a halloween party that anthony and josh threw (that i had attended soon after getting stationed at elmendorf). this led to josh and anthony separately cracking up about being bored one day and deciding to drink all the leftover vodka in their cabinets, leading to a slingshot full of watermelon to anthony’s face. anyways, there was this nostalgic pause as we all remembered back to our former selves, and anthony exclaimed something along the lines of, “we used to party SO hard! look at us now!” which then of course, forced us to look at our babies. hahaha.

seriously though, what happened? life happens so fast, when did life reach down and slap us in the face and deal us new cards? i have zero regrets, but it sure makes me think that in the moment, i should’ve told myself to enjoy it more. you really take for granted the way your life is before you get dealt a little something called responsibility. anyways, here’s to good friends, good food, and happiness in the form of giggly, bundles of babies.

forget your troubles, come on get happy!

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as I’ve mentioned before, separating from the military was a foreign experience for me. I had grown comfortable in what I had learned to identify was my life, and I got used to a certain routine. I knew what was expected of me, which in turn also gave me specific expectations. in a way, there a nice simplicity to the way of living; it gave you (in some way) predictability. after I left last year, (after requesting to opt out due to my pregnancy), I felt like I was plummeting into the unknown. this sounds bad, but it felt like I just got parole and I was leaving prison. with that amount of freedom, I didn’t even know what to do with myself. I remember feeling overwhelmingly giddy that I could wear my hair down whenever I wanted and wear crazy nail polish colors again. I know it sounds like it, but it wasn’t deprived in the military. I just learned to appreciate all the little freedoms again. the small things. which I guess is what life is about, right? enjoying the little things?

after about another year when it was time for my husband to separate from the military as his contract was up, I felt a different type of anxiety and apprehension. this time, it was really goodbye. I guess that’s why it was so tough for me to accept. I had to really assimilate back into the civilian world. I had it nice and easy; I had the luxury of dipping my toes into civilian life while still holding onto my military ties with my husband still working on base and working at the same squadron I did. I got to see all my old friends, hear the same old work stories that I was used to telling myself, and i didn’t escape the military culture completely as the “military bubble” that engulfs anchorage, Alaska was still my home. leaving anchorage was hard. i had to step into the actual real world for the first time. and i felt naked as a wee baby on the day he was born.

i would say i lasted about a month before i started fantasizing about being back in the military. actually, it might have been around veteran’s day when i was witnessing all the thanks to service members on tv that made me go, sniff sniff. it gave me a weird feeling like, man, that used to be me! now, i’m not entitled to those thanks. yes, civilians thank you for your service, but suddenly it means something entirely different when you’re a veteran and not active duty. afterwards, from time to time i found my mind drifting back to the fun i had while i was in. also, the sense of honor, service, camaraderie, was unmatched in any career field or any other situation I’ve ever personally been in or experienced. i would have to force myself to consciously list off things i hated while i was in; being stuck with supervision that had zero respect for women, or the demanding hours, or the laborious base exercises (not for fitness, for practice warfare). remember how much that sucked? i would remind myself furiously. remember?! what was wrong with me, AMNESIA?! i have it MADE right now…my beautiful family is living in gorgeous washington, we can spend as much time together as possible, and i am lucky enough to not have to work where i can stay at home with my blessing of a baby all day. seriously, life is perfection in this very moment. and i definitely am savoring it, but there is definitely a hole in my life where the service filled out. and maybe i’m a glutton for punishment.

as i’ve posted before, i briefly considered joining the reserves, but it didn’t last. since i had my bachelor’s since before i even joined the military, i obviously wouldn’t make the same mistake twice and would go back and go through ots. but i realized that the grass is always going to be greener on the other side. the military is very much still a part of me as ever. but i think it’s important that i understand that there is something about human nature that forces you to remember the good times only. because that’s the beauty of the human spirit. we revel in the beauty of life. we easily forget the bad. because life is comprised of a series of moments. who wants to remember anything crappy over a prolonged period of time with such intensity as the first day we experienced it?

this is true with so many elements of life! particularly with pregnancy and childbirth. because let’s be honest here, who in their right mind would have babies again if we could remember intensely how much pain we were in when we went through labor! no one, that’s who (with the exception of you blessed few.) it is with this amnesia we can multiply and reproduce, to keep the human race going.

BUT. there is a single but. motherhood is the one exception to this, i think. because i can still remember how horrifying the first few months were of having a screaming infant. because i don’t ever want to forget a solitary moment of being the mother to this exceptionally wonderful baby. and my mind holds on to these moments like a weed around a flower. because i WANT to remember. because it’s still beautiful, regardless of the frustration, the exhaustion, and the difficulty. motherhood is the one thing where we can remember how challenging it was, but still look at the result of it in the eye and say, HELL YES.

a trip down memory lane{s}

image image image image image<—this right here, ladies, is the real mom’s manicure.

the cherry blossoms here in washington are in full bloom. i can’t help but reminisce about being in okinawa when my husband (at the time just-friend) and i were deployed there my first year in the military. i miss travel and experiencing new foods and cultures. the weather there was a tropical humidity and being in japan is like being caught in toon town (nod to “who framed roger rabbit”.) because everything there looks like a toy, is about 50 different colors, and is animated. and even the simplest things, like getting a beverage out of a vending machine is made to somehow be fun.

speaking of reminiscing about the past, i’ve recently been wondering if it’s time to return to work. not relinquishing my at-home-ness, but i’ve really been considering being a professor at wayland baptist university as an online professor. the hours would of course be flexible, and i could work after buddy goes down for a nap or even for the night. i can just picture making my lectures online, and i’m geeking out right now, but it sounds like a blast. i would have a group of people who would be passionate about literature as much as i am, many of them taking online courses because they are mothers as well. so really, it would be a fantastic way to meet similar, like-minded people.

so i made myself a goal: once i’m done breastfeeding and i can gorge myself on coffee to live through the sleep-deprived day (for those off chances i would have to finish grading papers or something late at night comprised with an early-riser baby,) i’m going to apply for this job. which really makes me laugh that i finally got what i wanted, to relax and stay home to soak in the awesomeness that is my baby, and i’m spending the time wishing i could work somehow. but like i said, i don’t want to NOT stay at home. can i have my cake and eat it, too? can i have it all? dang right, i want to! but as a modern, young woman, you gotta fight and accommodate for what you want. and what i want is to squeeze the poop out of some baby and love him to death all day while academically challenging my “mind grapes” (“30 rock”, anyone?!). so let’s see if i can have it all. buddy turns 1 year-old in almost exactly a month. and i plan on beginning to wean him at a year (i’ve chosen to extended breastfeed, yes.) my ultimate goal is to have him completely weaned off at 14 months. let’s see how this plays out. dun dun duuuuun!

on an unrelated note, but i guess somewhat related…among wishing i was back in okinawa with my love (but not wishing i was back in the military,) i have also been trying to squeeze in more time to go out in the rare seattle sunshine on brisk walks and runs. eventually, i’d like to time and test myself like how we did in the military and see how i fare, but i accidentally threw away my old pt score sheet when i separated (i am really hating myself for that.) i have an idea of how in-shape i was, which was in all honestly, the best shape i’ve ever been in my life. after being pregnant and having a baby, which sums up to a solid year of not working out or running with the exception of a lame attempt at prenatal pilates, i have been trying to whip my butt into a sweat.

my bestie emily recently recommended i go on meetup.com (NOT a dating website, mind you) to meet groups of different moms. this was a chance for me to get myself out there and make new friends and possibly make play dates with other moms in the new area we moved to. also, to hopefully introduce people to my blog if they were interested (networking, high five for me!). i actually stumbled across some running groups in the area, and i joined in the hopes that these other moms would inspire me to get back into shape. they actually have weekly 5ks along lake sammamish, which i am promising myself i will sign up for…let’s just hope this isn’t like me “promising” myself that i will give up chocolate…(i ate a pint of rocky road ice cream and a hazelnut ritter bar just this week…). let’s just say, thank God for breastfeeding because i don’t think i would fit into my pre-pregnancy pants otherwise. i swear, that might be the reason breastfeeding was invented. actually, on second thought, that combined with the fact that i barely have time to eat throughout the day might be the reason why i can celebrate having my old (with a loose skin upgrade) body back. to which i say, that’s why luna bars were invented.

rebecca bloomwood and the “mommy once-over”

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so i’ve recently been exploring this new theory about glam moms. they’re taking hollywood by storm. it’s now trendy to be seen with a baby bump, or being snapped by paparazzi on a baby moon on the coast of spain in a teeny weeny bikini and bam! a big baby bump. it’s the new birkin bag. first, it was a small dog in a purse, and now it’s wearing fashionable clothes that highlight your pregnancy. but now, i’ve been seeing it everywhere in suburbia! but of course, we all take our cues from these glossy hollywood moms, so it’s only natural it’s now the big thing to be seen pushing a fancy stroller through a city, sipping on your starbucks and wearing the new hottest trends. even the stylish mommy blogs are booming with popularity on the internet nowadays.

as you know, i would love nothing more to be a glam mom. but i have neither the energy or the disposable income to finance a closet that makes other moms green with envy. i think the thing is, the comfort of my clothes is far too tempting than when i lust after these trends i admire so much. so instead, i just observe.

it’s funny because becoming a mom is much like getting a new car; once you hit the road, you start seeing your car everywhere! now, you see moms everywhere. you pass each other, exchanging those knowing smiles. you might know what i’m talking about. the “yeah, this is tough, but it’s awesome, right?!” smile. or the glance down at your baby with the smile that reads, “awww, i remember when mine was that little!” it’s all there. it’s like a secret code. or a club. there’s this weird bond now that exists between us moms.

i’ve recently been celebrating national reading month (is it still national reading month or was that last month? crap, i can’t keep track of anything anymore) by reading on my kindle whenever i breastfeed. yes, i only just discovered this one-handed delight that allows me to keep myself entertained while nursing. i mean, i’m not the selfie-taking type, so i never really messed around on my phone during the feeding seshes. anyways, i decided that if i were going to read on my kindle with constant interruptions, i had to pick books that were kind of superficial (and ones that would make my literary professor cringe if he knew i were reading them). the kind that i could pick up again hours later and the kind that i could stop in mid-sentence. so i’ve been reading the shopaholic series by sophie kinsella. and honestly, i thoroughly enjoyed shopaholic and baby and shopaholic and mini shopaholic. they’re a riot, especially when you’re pregnant and/or have kids. there’s something about it being somewhat relevant to my current situation of having a baby and always drooling over some hip, cool thing another new mom has.

in shopaholic takes manhattan, rebecca bloomwood describes the “manhattan once-over.” it’s a 3-second look that women give each other when assessing outfits/accessories. i just can’t stop thinking about this idea because i see this occurring everywhere i go now. except i call it the “mommy once-over”. moms everywhere can’t help but look other moms up and down. not in a threatening sort of way, but more like in admiration. well, that’s how it is for me, anyways. i guess i can’t speak for other moms who may like to glare at the occasional mom who can pull off a crop top and sky-high heels, ha. but in 3 seconds, we can assess the stroller, the diaper bag, and the mom-in-question’s outfit. it’s hilarious. for me, i give my “mommy once-over” and walk away thinking, “jeez, i really should start putting more effort into what i wear…” anyone with me?!

today i decided to hit the mall to study mall moms and gather research. these creatures emerge in the early hours of the day, from the wee hours of the morning to the late afternoon, to window shop and get lattes. they peruse the shops slowly, as if they are free of all commitments, and sip casually on their beverages while whipping their amexes out of their savvy diaper bags. it really makes me wonder if i am the only home mom in a single-income family who has to budget to stay within their means. these moms mean serious business, however. they stay at home because they literally have no reason to work with all the money their husbands bring home. and i didn’t have to ask anyone this. i could just tell by their expensive designer handbags and the fact that we are all at the mall during normal work hours with our babies. verrry interesting. must be the life.

it’s these times i wish rebecca bloomwood were real. because we would totally be pals while we give our “mommy once-overs” sippin’ on our cappuccinos.

 

sometimes i’m just shellfish

cherry blossoms

cherry blossoms

view from my walk in an effort to get the baby to nap. spoiler alert: he didn't nap.

view from my walk in an effort to get the baby to nap. spoiler alert: he didn’t nap.

i think being a mother is the most radical, most wonderful thing that’s ever happened to me. and just recently, i stated on my twitter that being a mom is about making sacrifices every day and not second guessing them or ever regretting it; it’s a job that keeps on giving. and that’s both ways. you are rewarded with the joys of seeing your baby grow up, and you pour your mind, body and soul into this little tiny person that you watch thrive as a result.

but today, i got frustrated.

as you may know, i found my little niche recently with baking. i finally found a hobby that gives me a different kind of joy. i used to be huge into art until i left for college and these dreams were left for dead (dry laugh.) when i discovered cake decorating, it was like a switch flipped on and i finally found something that makes the background melt away. hours can go by,  but it doesn’t even matter because every second is so much fun.

with all the craziness with settling in and moving into our new place, josh and i got completely absorbed into decorating buddy’s new room. i was playing with him and keeping him occupied on the floor while josh hammered nails and happily hung up his new nursery art. it was perfection. if you could look up “happy family” in a moving dictionary, this moment would have been it. i suddenly looked at the time and realized it was seven o’clock. my decorating class was at six. i was flooded with so much disappointment, you would’ve thought i missed christmas. then i felt frustrated. because one of my huge flaws is that i immediately turn to place blame on something/someone other than myself when things don’t go right. i’m working on it. i suddenly wanted to yell, “why do my things get last priority around here?!”

after i shrugged off the disappointment, i was shocked at myself. just really ashamed. what was wrong with me? i have a freakin’ norman rockwell-esque family and a little bundle of happy baby and i’m pitying myself because i missed one stupid class? sure, i make sacrifices being a mother, and my stuff does get pushed aside more frequently than not, but i need to remember not to forget that i set these things aside joyfully. and without hesitation. why would i give up a chance to play with my baby while my husband sets up his nursery? what am i, crazy?! that, i am not. no, actually, i am pretty crazy. as all mothers slightly are. but it’s a good kinda crazy. moms, can i get a “what, whaaaat!”

yeah, there are times when moms do need a little something for ourselves. c’mon, we need a break to keep our sanity! but that doesn’t mean acting anything less than grateful when my schedule goes to crap. being a mom means being able to give so much of yourself…like big chunks of yourself to nourish this little human being and having it feel good every. single. time. it means having your heart full of so much love for your little one there isn’t much left for anything else. anyways, my point is: my heart is complete. my family is complete. tomorrow i plan on glossing over the fact that i forgot this for a brief, and selfish, moment. after all, it was when this little rascal came along when i said, “there you are. i’ve been waiting for you.”